My wife found I had been on Pornhub. She considers this adultery and wants a divorce. She hasn't touched me in over 6 years. What should I do?

However, there comes a point—within six months to a year, the dopamine burns out.

And here is where things can go awry for both sexes. The key difference for men and women are the neurochemicals that promote your bond with each other. For women, this is oxytocin, the feel-good chemical, promotes the sense that “hey, this person is important to me, and loves me, and makes me feel safe and secure.”

Your problems go back six years when she hasn’t touched you, because this is when the dopamine burned out, and she realize that “hey, this guy, my husband is not giving me what I need. I do not feel safe and secure.” Or, to put it in more male terms, she did not feel you were part of her team.

Do you think that drug addiction is a symptom of larger societal ills? What is it about our culture that leaves so many feeling like they're inadequate, trying any ill to find a cure?

Because women need that oxytocin to feel bonded enough with you to want to touch you. When a woman does not get that oxytocin, she feels like she is starving in the relationship for love and affection.

I will say this one more time for every man out there that’s not getting it—you can’t keep a woman starving for feelings of love and affection and expect that she’ll want to stay with you.

She probably did, in some ineffective way, that she was unhappy. But you might have just ignored the signs because otherwise things went just fine, except for occasional arguments in which you felt she was attacking you, so you shut down to avoid further conflict. How did that work as a strategy?

Are today’s baseball pitchers faster than a few years ago, or is it that radar guns have improved and get the pitch speed as it is released rather than as it reaches the plate?

Enough said.

This should have been a big screaming red flag for you to reassess what was going on and make a course correction in your relationship. But no, you let the situation go on for six years. In your sexual frustration turned to a porn site aggravating the mess, because you did not address the core problem.

At the beginning of your relationship, both of you react to the dopamine running through you, and things feel wonderful. The sex is easy, you enjoy being with each other, and the man thinks, “this is great, let’s keep doing this.”

Are there really people who still believe the Earth is flat?

Sometimes, you guys are thick-headed and stubborn, and this does not work for you. When, as a last ditch effort to save our marriage, I convinced my husband to attend a therapy session. During the session, he declared he wasn’t going to change, and that was that. I really had no other choice.

There are an awful lot of men out there who cluelessly believe it’s the wife’s duty to sexually satisfy them. And I say clueless, because they are unaware of what it takes for a woman to want to go to bed with them. And it’s not about having a hot bod or a dominant attitude.

It’s biochemical in nature.

Hello,hope y'all doin good, i came to Quora to share my strange story , a very weird one , a story when luck smiled at me ,maybe u will enjoy it , let's begin,have fun... A year ago ,I was a real porn addicted(btw I was 18) ,but never had sex before, I don't have a gf I didn't try to find one even ,always thinking to go to find a sex worker but then I just don't , everyday watching different bodies getting fucked and everyday enjoying. One day, I was watching porn, a big ass lady with big boobs ,just after seeing her the image of my female cousin poped in my mind, (let's introduce her : she's 35 years old , very big ass , nice boobs ,not very big but nice,always wearing tight clothes , she's divorced ) and I thought of me fucking her ,I never had sexual desires for her but now I do days went by and when I met her I was so horny ,I couldn't stay with the family cz my penis was clearly erected , I realized this is my first time I get horny for one of my family ,it not illegal in my country.well to make a long story short( if u want details just text me I will tell u 😊),I decided to give her signs that I want to fuck her,finally I decided to have sex and with my cousin , I thought it is the best beggining for me, i started touching her when I came across her in a narrow place , make her feel my hard cock when we hug , I thought it will hard and I will be ashamed but no , I felt nothing and she said nothing , probably she thought it was by mistake,anyways, I decided then to talk with her about sex, waited for her to be alone in a room and talk with her, I confessed everything about me watching porn and addicted..etc,she said it's normal and u are growing up and u must have sex,well at that time I was like whaaat????? Well I didn't control myself and asked her for sex ( horny like I Ve never been before) she said that she will think Abt it ,2 weeka went by then she called me ,telling that she reserved a room in a hotel and we meet tonight ,we met,and bruuhh, sex is great , I mean, I had to find a pirstitue ,what I was waiting for to have such a feeling ????, I will never forget that night, I started kissing her she was kissing hard ,she misses sex so bad , she sucked my dick and swallowed my semen ,I felt I'm in a dream , then when fucked ,her ass was very big and the anus was open ,didn't struggle to get my hard cock inside it , she was obviously missing sex , she was shouting ,fuck me yh fuck me , I go fast after every word until I cum , we did that 3 times , then we went to her pussy , using condoms I fucked her so hard the moans were higher , everything was perfect ,in the end I asked her to lick her body , licked pussy ,ass, boobs,then she sucked my cock until we sleeped ,all I know that she was dirty ,well before even having sex with her I knew she is an open minded woman , and a woman that looks that she donesnt know anything , but she knows everything, but never expected having sex with her ,well she was horny and that helped...but no one of us regretted that sex ever.. We still have sex from time to time ,and I started having sex with sex workers , joining threesomes..etc If u want pics of her text me.

Well you had sex (we assume) if only with your hand and didn’t include her. Not only that, you didn’t tell her, and embarrassed her by having a public profile that demonstrates your lack of sexual interest in her. She probably feels you cut her out of the marriage.

If you are not willing to do that, then she has every right to leave you.

And you might say, “hey, why didn’t she just tell me?”

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I’m not saying you are the only person at fault in the relationship, but since your life is about to get ten times harder going through this divorce, and if you don’t want the divorce, then you need to take emergency action. You need to win your wife back. It’s time to man up, take the hit for the team and get you to therapy, not as a solution but as a bridge to regaining her trust in and love for you.

For men, it’s vasopressin, which the male of the species uses to bond with other humans. Men use it all their relationships, and makes them feel that “hey, this person is part of my team.”